Being alpha with people you’ve just met is not the easiest thing.
When you’ve just met people the conversation can run dry, you need to be the guy who builds comfort between the group of new people. If you see a guy feeling uncomfortable, talk to him. But don’t talk to him about his hobbies or any of that generic shit.
Seek him out, find him and raise his state. Take him from being uncomfortable, to feeling comfortable enough to involve himself with the group. If you talk to him about his hobbies he starts to feel comfortable, but only with you. You need to be able to take anyone and make them comfortable enough to participate with the rest of your group.
“Hey man, have you met *someone else in the group – Joe* he’s a nutjob!”
Suddenly those 2 starts talking and you’re in-between, those 2 continue talking and if you ever sense it’s becoming awkward you can jump in and say something to strike up better conversation. What you’re doing is linking people together within the group, you can do this as much as you want and suddenly you’ll have the whole group talking and having fun – you did that. That’s alpha.
Recognizing when a guy is seeking your validation
The difference between alpha and beta males is that alpha males recognize opportunities to give value to the beta males, and by doing this the beta males will seek validation from the alpha male in the future. SO don’t neglect opportunities to give value to people and validate them.
This actually happens a lot, most guys just don’t see the opportunities to give value to others.
Examples of guys seeking validation from other guys
- General conversation – The guy might just generally say something like what he wants to be when he grows up, don’t tell him how awesome that is, a lot of guys make this mistake and it’s really annoying, you become needy. Instead show genuine interest in what that is, and then once he’s finished you can tell him ‘that’s cool man’ – value given.
- Girls – guys will often brag about girls, perfect opportunity to validate them, don’t feel uncomfortable just because you might be inexperienced; they’re looking for someone to acknowledge their sex life. If a guy says yeah I got with *girls name*, he might make it sound like no big deal, but he still brought it up, give him a high five.
- Music – if you put on a song and some guy starts talking to you a lot about music, the song you put on etc, he’s looking for validation. People love to use music to show their superiority.
You have 3 choices of action towards the guy who has just tried to validate himself to you
- Acknowledge him
- Acknowledge and reward him
- Ignore him
Generally guys like you will go for option number 1, you won’t recognize that actually this guy just gave you an opportunity to demonstrate an alpha quality, so you’ll just let it pass by.
But what sounds better:
You and a few people are sitting around listening to music, you put on a song and a guy says ‘oh, this is The Smiths right?’
- Yeah it is. – no value given
- 2. Yeah bro! *fist bump* – give him value for his statement
The guy knew it was The Smiths, if he wasn’t sure he would have kept his mouth shut. But he didn’t, he piped up to demonstrate to you that he knows your musical taste; it’s a perfect opportunity to reward him for validating himself to you.
‘Way to go man, you got it right, have my approval, take some value!’
You throw value his way like a doggy treat, and suddenly he feels good about himself and you’re the guy who made him feel that way, so you’re value sky rockets – you’re alpha.
You need to develop this skill, being able to recognize these opportunities to validate people and give them value is what the top tier of guys are able to do, the guys you really like, the one’s EVERYONE really likes…
The Alpha Males.
-Sloth Out x
3 comments
Kieran
November 19, 2012 at 6:20 pm (UTC -3) Link to this comment
Wow, the article really opened up my eyes. I’m looking at being alpha in a completely new light. Awesome article…. High Five!
Crazyman
November 22, 2012 at 6:11 pm (UTC -3) Link to this comment
What about in the case where you’re the beta in the group, in a group of alphas? Sometimes when I’m in a group like that, I become quieter, and less expressive. What do you do then?
Sloth
November 23, 2012 at 12:59 pm (UTC -3) Link to this comment
This is mainly related to the beginning of your relationship with group, however if you already fell into the beta role they won’t give you any of these opportunities and if you try to validate them you come off as needy. In the future try not to let this happen from the start.
However it’s already happened. So!
I’m not gonna lie this is tricky, it’s that classic term ‘fake it till you become it’ Just make the small changes, such as body language and start to establish yourself as a confident guy. You don’t need their acceptance or recognition of your new self, they’ll realise you’re becoming more confident without you rubbing it in their face. At this point you should be naturally more expressive in conversation, so PREPARE TO BE TARGETED, they won’t like your new confidence and the alpha males will try to knock you down. Pass those little tests and you’re golden. So basically, work on yourself and don’t seek their validation along the way.